The drop
that dropped from your forehead.
I followed it eagerly.
That golden drop
rolled down and down ...
It touched your swordy nose,
Kissed your deep lips.
I followed it now more eagerly.
It rolled and rolled down ..
Like the setting sun ...
Made its way through the
valley of your beautiful hills,
Reached the only born-mark.
I could not follow it any more.
As the drop was waiting for ...
My shivering lips
to pacify the ageold thirst.
This poem is written by Mr. Fakir Mohan Nahak
great idea... but try to avoid transliteration.
ReplyDeleteps:
how about "It rolled down and down .." in place of "It rolled and rolled down .."
change "eargerly" to "eagerly"
i very much understood the meaning of "swordy nose" and "your beautiful hills", but then these usages fall into transliteration. these metaphors are meaningful to indian audience only. that means it might create confusion before native english audience.
Thanks for the comments.
ReplyDeleteIt is after all a poem. Those who can read between the lines are wise and those who cannot, should try reading fiction rather than poetry. Fakir bhai.. great thought!!!! Seems you have got inspired from D. H. Lawrence.. I loved it
ReplyDeleteSudhir Kumar Patnaik